Inspiration

I absolutely LOVE this poem by Iyanla Vasant:

The End,
is NOT the middle,
or the beginning...
YET!

It is the place,
from which the beginning
and the middle
draw their meaning

It is the place,
the middle ceases...
to be, and the
beginning comes into existence

It is the place,
that gives meaning, to all
and draws lessons, from all
and yet,
it is the place.
I most HATE...
to be

When, I'm still able
in the middle
to be happy
about the beginning
it starts
moving me
toward... the end

The End
calls out to me,
it calls me up,
and into more of what
I know not
so that I can begin the journey
towards
the end...

Again!

I believe...

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I believe...
I need to write...

I believe...
I need to release the words who have started to strangle each other in an attempt to get out

I believe...
I hear the message...

Guide

Often I find myself overwhelmed with life, balancing body, mind & spirit can get difficult. When I get lost on my journey I rely on my tarot cards to help me get back in line with my true destination.

My new set of cards comes from a deck called, "The Tarot of the Dead" and is based on the Day of the Dead Celebrations. You can read more Here

Many people have misperceptions about Tarot, I think TV and Movies have given them this big mystique with a tint of evil meaning... but I think they are quite the opposite. I believe tarot cards give you a snapshot of where you are in life at the moment, based on the energy surrounding you at the time you have a reading. A guide, if you wish. If it's a positive reading then you know you are going in the right direction, many times it will simply point out a few directions where you might get distracted. You always have a choice in how you affect your path in life...

Life is a journey, sometimes we forget that and get stuck in the details. Sometimes we need to focus on the details in order to make sure our foundation is strong. For me, personally, I find the tarot to be an indispensable guide in my life.

Smorgasbord

Masks

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I'm intrigued with the idea of psychological masks. I was at dinner with friends where alcohol was being served. When one of my friends had had enough to lower her mask, what we saw was just sad. I'm one of those people who has really tight boundaries, so other people's words or actions don't always hit me, but they sadden me.

After this friend left, the rest of us proceeded to discuss what had happened, and someone said something along the lines, "I love Jane (not her real name, duh!) but sometimes she is just hard to be around." And while true, I thought, how tragic. I find it sad that as her friends we don't really feel like talking to her is an option. She is instantly defensive, and as we further discussed we concluded that she is on a path of destruction. In my heart I feel at a loss, as a "friend" I should care enough to want to do something, yet, knowing her the way I do... it will fall on deaf ears.

The hardest part is that in some ways we are both very similar, I recognize (and to a degree) understand her. This insight further reinforces my belief that I can't get to her. I've decided that she needs "professional" help, I'm not professionally trained to deal with things my words may unearth, and I just can't expect myself to deal with whatever causes her to wear the masks she does. As a friend I can only be a friend, and sometimes that simply means having healthy boundaries. Her problems, her masks, her difficulties are hers. I need to respect that, and offer empathy...

And so, on my drive home I thought about my own masks; do people see behind them? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

The significant people in my life see through them, and that is the important thing!

Uninspired

Sometimes I just entertain myself...

and other times I just get stuck in the past...

Writing

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What is writing? Hmmm, oftentimes I wish I was a better writer. I read my words sometimes and think I've literally written the different strings of my thoughts without editing. It's hard for me sometimes to organize my thoughts in an eloquent manner... but I try.

I find that when I'm in my dark place I write the best. I have come to realize that I write for myself, to get out the "whatever" that needs release from within my head. You know, to keep some sanity.

Here is a sample of something I wrote some time ago... but, I think it captures well what I was feeling at the time...

Morose musings dancing
boredom disguised
creativity gaunt
intellect distraught
a three way mutiny
in melancholy's park

Dead leaves growing
Black clouds forming
Grey winds blowing
as the tide is turning
and glass exploding

Music pounding
bad thoughts jousting
a fertile landscape
of murky ponderings
a barbarian battle
between the ideal
and the mundane

The End

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In my version of life, death is probably the ultimate end.

I try to give myself perspective by realizing that life is lived in cycles, a beginning, a middle, an end. But the end isn't necessarily final. I think this perspective allows me to feel as if I have SOME control over the direction in my life. When I was young I used to have such a pessimistic view of life. There wasn't much hope to give me proper perspective, but I think that is typical in the mind of a youth.

Now I see life a little different. I have come to realize that while I don't have control over every aspect in my life; you know the saying, "The universe only gives you what you can handle"? I have learned to ask that question while in the midst of my crisis' and lo and behold, there is some truth. It's all a matter of changing one's perspective. And I believe that has been my trick to getting over many moments of anxiety.

While I believe the universe only gives me what I can handle. I also believe that it is my responsibility to act in responsible fashion. Having a pollyana view of, "Oh, the universe will take care of me." is just not a realistic one for me. I know that I have to do my share of problem solving and she will be there to support me. It's not as simple as wishing on a star. But, I know people who do believe in that strategy, and it works for them. I'm just not one of those people.

But, back to the idea of a beginning, middle, end. One of the things I have found to cause the most anxiety in myself and friends is this expectation of "endings." We know we need to do something, but the idea of having to give up or lose something by choice becomes this huge mountain to climb. By simply looking at the change as a change in cycle, somehow the anxiety of it is lost.

This has become a great tool for me...



for more sunday scribblings