sunday scribblings
A second chance, a do-over.... hmmm, that one is hard.
I was having this thought the other night, and I was wondering had I done some things differently in life would I be at this imagined "there" yet. After thinking about it in some detail I came to the conclusion that... No, I would not want to do anything over. For each of my paths have led me to the person I am today. I'm pretty happy with who I am. Sure, there are things I want that I don't have, places I wish I had visited, that I haven't yet... and so on...
But, my life isn't over, nor is it near over... so, I still can do some of those things. The people that I've met have made an impact on my life in some way. Many good experiences, many bad... but none of those experiences have broken me or my spirit, and for that I am blessed.
What my journey has given me, is perspective. My life has taught me to think before I speak, doesn't always happen, but I have gotten better. I try to take my time in making decisions, sometimes I just have to roll the dice and trust that the universe is watching over me, and so far, she's got my trust.
There is one area in my life that I WONDER about though. I lived in the closet for many, many, many years. I often wonder what would be different in my life experience had I come out earlier in life. I wonder if I would have been a different type of person had I hung out in the lesbian community as a younger adult. For the most part I've concluded that I did what was best for me, and that was my path.
If my "wild" periods are/were any indication... I think it was a safer route for me to have been in the closet. But, you know, I often wonder what life as a slut would have been like...
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8 comments:
Sometimes I believe it's better to regret things you did and not things you didn't ;-)
ren-kat's right really!
"My life has taught me to think before I speak, doesn't always happen, but I have gotten better."
I say amen to that..
actually I've been thinkig about your post today and I was very good when I was a student and in my late 20s i regretted that I hadn't been wilder. But now given the relationship I'm in, none of that matters any more and I'm glad to have found the right person. So sometimes it depends where you're looking from.
ren.kat:- I guess it's not really regret, but more of a "what if" and we all know how useless those thoughts are...
gautami: heh!
crafty: Very True! I don't think I "regret" not being wilder, I just wonder if I would have been different... but as they say, "everything is as it should be" and on many levels I know this...
but sitting around with a bunch of lesbians sometimes I just want to be able to tell one of those stories... LOL!!!
I find myself having what-if thoughts sometimes and I it reminds me of those choose your own adventure books that were around when I was a kid.
Onion "but sitting around with a bunch of lesbians sometimes I just want to be able to tell one of those stories"
So make one up! LOL What is fiction for, if not to give us second chances?
tori: :)
firecat: what an awesome idea!
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