Writing

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What is writing? Hmmm, oftentimes I wish I was a better writer. I read my words sometimes and think I've literally written the different strings of my thoughts without editing. It's hard for me sometimes to organize my thoughts in an eloquent manner... but I try.

I find that when I'm in my dark place I write the best. I have come to realize that I write for myself, to get out the "whatever" that needs release from within my head. You know, to keep some sanity.

Here is a sample of something I wrote some time ago... but, I think it captures well what I was feeling at the time...

Morose musings dancing
boredom disguised
creativity gaunt
intellect distraught
a three way mutiny
in melancholy's park

Dead leaves growing
Black clouds forming
Grey winds blowing
as the tide is turning
and glass exploding

Music pounding
bad thoughts jousting
a fertile landscape
of murky ponderings
a barbarian battle
between the ideal
and the mundane

The End

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In my version of life, death is probably the ultimate end.

I try to give myself perspective by realizing that life is lived in cycles, a beginning, a middle, an end. But the end isn't necessarily final. I think this perspective allows me to feel as if I have SOME control over the direction in my life. When I was young I used to have such a pessimistic view of life. There wasn't much hope to give me proper perspective, but I think that is typical in the mind of a youth.

Now I see life a little different. I have come to realize that while I don't have control over every aspect in my life; you know the saying, "The universe only gives you what you can handle"? I have learned to ask that question while in the midst of my crisis' and lo and behold, there is some truth. It's all a matter of changing one's perspective. And I believe that has been my trick to getting over many moments of anxiety.

While I believe the universe only gives me what I can handle. I also believe that it is my responsibility to act in responsible fashion. Having a pollyana view of, "Oh, the universe will take care of me." is just not a realistic one for me. I know that I have to do my share of problem solving and she will be there to support me. It's not as simple as wishing on a star. But, I know people who do believe in that strategy, and it works for them. I'm just not one of those people.

But, back to the idea of a beginning, middle, end. One of the things I have found to cause the most anxiety in myself and friends is this expectation of "endings." We know we need to do something, but the idea of having to give up or lose something by choice becomes this huge mountain to climb. By simply looking at the change as a change in cycle, somehow the anxiety of it is lost.

This has become a great tool for me...



for more sunday scribblings