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I'm intrigued with the idea of psychological masks. I was at dinner with friends where alcohol was being served. When one of my friends had had enough to lower her mask, what we saw was just sad. I'm one of those people who has really tight boundaries, so other people's words or actions don't always hit me, but they sadden me.
After this friend left, the rest of us proceeded to discuss what had happened, and someone said something along the lines, "I love Jane (not her real name, duh!) but sometimes she is just hard to be around." And while true, I thought, how tragic. I find it sad that as her friends we don't really feel like talking to her is an option. She is instantly defensive, and as we further discussed we concluded that she is on a path of destruction. In my heart I feel at a loss, as a "friend" I should care enough to want to do something, yet, knowing her the way I do... it will fall on deaf ears.
The hardest part is that in some ways we are both very similar, I recognize (and to a degree) understand her. This insight further reinforces my belief that I can't get to her. I've decided that she needs "professional" help, I'm not professionally trained to deal with things my words may unearth, and I just can't expect myself to deal with whatever causes her to wear the masks she does. As a friend I can only be a friend, and sometimes that simply means having healthy boundaries. Her problems, her masks, her difficulties are hers. I need to respect that, and offer empathy...
And so, on my drive home I thought about my own masks; do people see behind them? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
The significant people in my life see through them, and that is the important thing!
